I've had enough.
Sep. 20th, 2010 11:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
solidfoamsoulHonestly...
If you've ever said: "What the fuck is this post about? She's being vague, depressed/bitchy. What's her deal?" about any of my posts in the past... four months or so, I guess, here's why:
An RP friend has apparently just ceased talking to me. They're not in the RP anymore, but my attempts to contact them before (when they were idling in our RP for about six months but posting in other RPs/on their own journal) and after (they dropped our group) were ignored.
I didn't leave a comment/message/whatever a day, I didn't badger them or demand for them to return. Most comments on their regular journal weren't even of the RP.
I thought we were friends outside of the RP. I guess we weren't. I unfriended them this morning after waiting a week for some response to them, telling them how their ignoring me has made me feel. (Write a letter on being ignored. Get ignored. [/awkward penguin])
Slightly related: I don't understand the concept of friending someone that you RP with, if you're only going to drop them once you've dropped the game. I've had that happen to me too.
Which has lead me to come to a few conclusions:
1. I *must* be a horrible person. So horrible, in fact, that I'm not even worth the breath to explain things to.
2. Everything is my fault, somehow. And that sounds selfish, so I must think everything is about me. See conclusion 1.
3. People, in general, aren't worth investing any feelings into at all. Because even just creating the delusion for yourself that you're friends with anyone is a lie. Not only do they not want to be friends with you, they won't even tell you why. See conclusion 1.
4. I must be fucking crazy.
I made a vow to myself (which lasted all of five seconds) that I wouldn't friend/attempt to be friends with anyone else I RP with in the future. Or seek out new friends on LJ. Distance myself from the ones I already have. They'll only hurt you in the end. I never saw this coming, so why shouldn't everyone else be just like her? It isn't real, it's all a delusion, and worse yet, it's just the same as real life.
Then I thought about Conclusion 4.
I must be.
Then I came up with another Conclusion/Solution:
5. Make a post. Then never speak of it again.
So there.
If I ever make a depressing post about anything again, leave me a funny GIF and say you love me (or like me, or that I'm moderately tolerable, or that you wouldn't step on my face as soon as look at me.)
I'll shove the depression in a pretty little bottle marked "Already posted about this BS."
I'll be better in the morning.
TL;DR? One person took me for granted =/= all people will take me for granted.
To all of you who are still reading/haven't unfriended me yet...
If you've ever said: "What the fuck is this post about? She's being vague, depressed/bitchy. What's her deal?" about any of my posts in the past... four months or so, I guess, here's why:
An RP friend has apparently just ceased talking to me. They're not in the RP anymore, but my attempts to contact them before (when they were idling in our RP for about six months but posting in other RPs/on their own journal) and after (they dropped our group) were ignored.
I didn't leave a comment/message/whatever a day, I didn't badger them or demand for them to return. Most comments on their regular journal weren't even of the RP.
I thought we were friends outside of the RP. I guess we weren't. I unfriended them this morning after waiting a week for some response to them, telling them how their ignoring me has made me feel. (Write a letter on being ignored. Get ignored. [/awkward penguin])
Slightly related: I don't understand the concept of friending someone that you RP with, if you're only going to drop them once you've dropped the game. I've had that happen to me too.
Which has lead me to come to a few conclusions:
1. I *must* be a horrible person. So horrible, in fact, that I'm not even worth the breath to explain things to.
2. Everything is my fault, somehow. And that sounds selfish, so I must think everything is about me. See conclusion 1.
3. People, in general, aren't worth investing any feelings into at all. Because even just creating the delusion for yourself that you're friends with anyone is a lie. Not only do they not want to be friends with you, they won't even tell you why. See conclusion 1.
4. I must be fucking crazy.
I made a vow to myself (which lasted all of five seconds) that I wouldn't friend/attempt to be friends with anyone else I RP with in the future. Or seek out new friends on LJ. Distance myself from the ones I already have. They'll only hurt you in the end. I never saw this coming, so why shouldn't everyone else be just like her? It isn't real, it's all a delusion, and worse yet, it's just the same as real life.
Then I thought about Conclusion 4.
I must be.
Then I came up with another Conclusion/Solution:
5. Make a post. Then never speak of it again.
So there.
If I ever make a depressing post about anything again, leave me a funny GIF and say you love me (or like me, or that I'm moderately tolerable, or that you wouldn't step on my face as soon as look at me.)
I'll shove the depression in a pretty little bottle marked "Already posted about this BS."
I'll be better in the morning.
TL;DR? One person took me for granted =/= all people will take me for granted.
To all of you who are still reading/haven't unfriended me yet...
