And as we stand upon the ledges of our lives

OMG Lawrence is wearing gray. He’s tip toeing from his black wardobe… Is this Glen on bass? I think so. I’m watching Styx/REO speedwagon. LMAO Lawrence’s confusion with the camera.

Ugh.

Okay.

So I was turning on to a street getting home and the yellow blinky light yeild light across on coming traffic was yellow and blinky and apparently I wasn’t paying attention enough and whamo I got hit in the rear passenger side. Spun my shit around. air bags gone off, got a nice seat belt bruise too. Son of a bitch.

Also, getting home and getting the shit out of my car, I was freaking out cuz I couldn’t find Beaker. He is a Muppet keychain on my rear view mirror. The keychain ripped from the hair tie (luckily I had my windows up!) … He was sitting in the back seat. Sitting perfectly up. The look on his face was not lost on me.

aasdjadkjfhskjahahf

It’s more likely I’ll have to get a new car. Which I kinda don’t even want now. MY CAR is fucked. I just want MY THINGS.

I’m glad I didn’t put any of my stickers on there, like I was supposed to do ages ago…

adlkjafa goddamn it.

I;m forgo-ing finishing “Always” in which Richard Dreyfuss has just exploded in a plane crash … I think I will watch some Styyyyyyx… (with REO Speedwagon, but I’m not in it for them.)

Figuring out I have $20 in my bank account (TOTAL) I'm having a nervous break down.

Also, finally getting around to listing the shit load of magazines sitting under my desk. Please buy my stuff so I can stop thinking about deadlier and more permanent alternatives to not having to freak out over money.

I hate life so much right now

Honestly...

If you've ever said: "What the fuck is this post about? She's being vague, depressed/bitchy. What's her deal?" about any of my posts in the past... four months or so, I guess, here's why:

An RP friend has apparently just ceased talking to me. They're not in the RP anymore, but my attempts to contact them before (when they were idling in our RP for about six months but posting in other RPs/on their own journal) and after (they dropped our group) were ignored.

I didn't leave a comment/message/whatever a day, I didn't badger them or demand for them to return. Most comments on their regular journal weren't even of the RP.

I thought we were friends outside of the RP. I guess we weren't. I unfriended them this morning after waiting a week for some response to them, telling them how their ignoring me has made me feel. (Write a letter on being ignored. Get ignored. [/awkward penguin])

Slightly related: I don't understand the concept of friending someone that you RP with, if you're only going to drop them once you've dropped the game. I've had that happen to me too.

Which has lead me to come to a few conclusions:

1. I *must* be a horrible person. So horrible, in fact, that I'm not even worth the breath to explain things to.

2. Everything is my fault, somehow. And that sounds selfish, so I must think everything is about me. See conclusion 1.

3. People, in general, aren't worth investing any feelings into at all. Because even just creating the delusion for yourself that you're friends with anyone is a lie. Not only do they not want to be friends with you, they won't even tell you why. See conclusion 1.

4. I must be fucking crazy.


I made a vow to myself (which lasted all of five seconds) that I wouldn't friend/attempt to be friends with anyone else I RP with in the future. Or seek out new friends on LJ. Distance myself from the ones I already have. They'll only hurt you in the end. I never saw this coming, so why shouldn't everyone else be just like her? It isn't real, it's all a delusion, and worse yet, it's just the same as real life.

Then I thought about Conclusion 4.

I must be.


Then I came up with another Conclusion/Solution:

5. Make a post. Then never speak of it again.


So there.

If I ever make a depressing post about anything again, leave me a funny GIF and say you love me (or like me, or that I'm moderately tolerable, or that you wouldn't step on my face as soon as look at me.)

I'll shove the depression in a pretty little bottle marked "Already posted about this BS."

I'll be better in the morning.


TL;DR? One person took me for granted =/= all people will take me for granted.


To all of you who are still reading/haven't unfriended me yet...

My BFF's mom... Srs.

IF I HAVE BEEN REPLYING TO YOU IN ALL CAPS TODAY THERE IS A REASON. SON OF A BITCH. JFC.

DAD: CAN I GET FIFTEEN FUCKING MINUTES WITHOUT YOU NEEDING ME TO DO SOMETHING?! YES I WILL CLEAN THE KITCHEN AND GET THINGS OUT OF THE GARDEN EVENTUALLY. I DON'T CARE WHEN YOU WANT ME TO DO IT STFU.

YOGA = HURT. FOR NOW. SO NOT BEING ABLE TO SIT STILL FOR TEN MINUTES IS SO NOT FUCKING HELPING.

ALSO I HAVE ENGLISH HOMEWORK I AM ABOUT TO GET STARTED ON BUT THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN UNLESS YOU STOP TRYING TO GET ME TO DO EVERY FUCKING LITTLE THING.

GOD DAMN.

This is why I can't ever get shit done and Mom comes home and ask why I haven't gotten shit done today.

I AM SORE ALL OVER. EVEN MY EYELASHES HURT. SON OF A BIIIITCH.

(LOL, kittencuffs, Yoga will be good for my spirit. Eliminate dad from this setting and that will be 50%. The other 50% being my fat ass.)

I have been pushing my will power this week, I tell you.

Stay strong!

I have principles and shit.

I used to be a massive push over, so it's incredibly hard for me not to be all "PLEASE LIKE ME! PLEASE TALK TO ME! PAY ATTENTION TO ME AND I'LL LET YOU TREAT ME LIKE CRAP! GIVE ME THE TIME OF DAY!" when people ignore me.

I got my brother's MyTouch and I lost all my contacts b/c of the IT guy said restoring my phone to factory settings would NOT affect my SIM card. He lied. So when I asked my friends on Twitter the day before and Facebook yesterday for their numbers...

Not one person replied. Except for the woman I dog sat for. NO ONE FUCKING PERSON.

So I'm half between wanting to reply to status updates and tweets with FUCK YOU BITCH and as my regular nice self.

I'm not replying to any at all and uggggh...

FML. FML to tears.

EDIT: Thanks, guys, but I'm just bitching about RL friends, so don't worry about it.

Post twins, maz_z. ILU and you're always amazing. Stay awesome.

Meanwhile,

I want to cry. Just bawl and cry b/c that's what pathetic people do.

Oh, hai, mom & dad. Yes, come bitch at me about my college not having sent my grades. That will totally help and it totally in my control. What the fucking fuck?

so I just want to cry over some bullshit petty stuff. Well, it *should* be stupid shit, but apparently I've put way too much emotional effort into it. Maybe because other human beings are attached to it and by ignoring it they're really ignoring me? And i feel like if I say anything at all about it (which is why I'm being vague right now) certain people will get mad with me, tell me I'm being selfish/petty/impatient/whatever and not only ignore me more but just stop bothering with me all together.

This totally applies in real life too.

I have such fucking problems. Christ. I hate myself.

Now I just feel like I'm pining for attention, which I probably am, so disabling comments so I can't feed my damn attention-whore-ness.

Okay, comp cleared, etc. Unfortunately something messed up with my music folder.

ALL MY MUSIC IS GONE. ALL OF IT.

And I think I got the virus from DLing the audio of MJF's "Lucky Man". For shame, virus person. For shame.

Ugh... I neeeeed....

Any and all songs that have been on "Community"... the unofficial (because there is no official) "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" soundtrack... the mix of Morrisey/The Smiths bonamoz made me... And several misc songs I hope I can find on my own...

LIFE SUCKS.

EDIT: WAIT! OMG thank god for my phone. Still I need that other stuff. Not alot on my phone, persay, but enough that I'm not freaking out so bad.

At least my music videos survived...

Will TRY to reupload my "Community" music video I made for my cuz for X-mas...

So I'm back from the dentist. I hate going. They're always so judgemental. You're always doing something wrong or not enough. Bastards.

Anyway, so the lady doing the cleaning was really nice and stuff and I was like "Okay well this wasn't so bad"...

AND THEN SHE INFORMS ME OF TWO SMALL CAVITIES. WTF NOT COOL.

I have to get fillings next week.

ARG.

Am I over reacting? I am so pissed/depressed. WTF.

Meanwhile, my blood pressure is 116/82. Suck on that, cavities!

Take my car. Please.

Apparently the $700 complete waste of time guy BROKE the cam shaft, so the timing belt works for a while before slipping off or whatever. Thus the engine shutting off at the touch of a break.

FML!!

The only upside is none of this is my money. Still, three months and $700 dollars for nothing.

I really hope THIS teaches my dad a lesson in ignoring my wishes.