30 questions and if I directed MWWO

[solidfoamsoul]

1)My uncle once:
...My Uncle Lance once ate a entire salad bowl of Fruit Loops.

2)Never (again) in my life:
...will I eat an olive.

3)When I was five:
...I went to the hospital for a week and the doctors still couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with my stomach.

4)High School was:
...two years ago.

5)I will never forget:
...singing with Sean Altman.

6)I once met:
....Sean Altman. Did I mention I sang with him?

7)There's this girl I know who:
...like to shout "Orgasm face" alot at close ups of people.

8)Once at a bar,
...a rabbi and a priest walked in...

9)By noon I'm usually:
...eating breakfast.

10)Tonight:
....Tonight, there's.. more words to this soooong..

11)If I only had:
....a hammer... No, a brain! No a heart! No, a home! No, the noive!

12)Next time I go to the Church, I'll:
...be performing puppets. That's the only time I go.

13)Terry Schiavo:
....Tom Servo? Oh the thing with the... Oh, I dont know. What kind of question is that?

14)What worries me most:
....is loosing my towel.

15)When I turn my head left, I see:
...the left side of the room. Or a window.

16)When I turn my head right, I see:
...the printer.

17)You know I'm lying when:
...NEVER! MWahahahaa! I'm the greastest liar in the world! Mwhahaha!

18) What I miss most about the 80s:
...Ghostbusters, BAck to the Future, Fraggle Rock, Labyrinth, The Jim Henson Hour.

19)If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I'd be:
.... Rosencrantz

20)By this time, next year:
...it will be 2006

21)A better name for me would be:
....Indy Kenobi (or Skywalker.)

22)I have a hard time understanding:
...math. And the bakers at my work. And crazy people.

23)If I ever go back to school I'll:
.... take a math class.

24)You know I like you if:
...I sing infront of you.

25)If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be:
...whoever handed it to me.

26)Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro:
...Darwin: Cute dolphin. Mozart: Cute blonde. Slim Pickens: Snap into a Paul Chaplin. Geraldine Ferraro: has written two books: Ferraro: My Story, which recounts the '84 campaign, and Geraldine Ferraro: Changing History.

27)Take my advice, never:
.... allow a Vogon to read poetry to you

28)My ideal breakfast is:
... WAFFLES!

29)A song I love, but do not have is:
...HArd to Handle - The Black Crows

30)If you visit my hometown, I suggest:
...leaving immedeatly taking me with you.




This was a question on the Tough Pigs forum but I thought my reply was pretty funny, so I decided to post it here too.

(Note: I would never personally harm Steve Whitmire. Nor would I laugh while he coward in fear behind Dave Goelz.)

In my Wizard of Oz...

WEEK 1
I will have Jewel Staite as Dorothy. Queen Latifa can still play auntie Em if Louise Gold is unavailable (not puppeteering though). Uncle Henry will be played by Jeffery Tambor. (Because I gotta keep him in.)

Quentin Taratino will appear as the Wizard's doorman with the following memorable line: "Who's ringin' that mother****in' bell?!" (Hey, they bleeped out Dr. Phil VanNueter in a episode of Muppets Tonight. And it could not have been funnier. They also silently bleeped out a blooper of Dave as Waldorf saying "Ow my ass" or something like that. Anyway, why am I explaining myself?!)

Rizzo will be Toto. Bill Barretta will get disappointed with casting and therefore the casting would be momentarily rearranged having Johnny Fiama as the Wizard. This is very short lived.

WEEK 12
Steve Whitmire becomes over worked and takes a week vacation. Eric Jacobson finishes all Piggy's scenes, also requesting a week vacation. Filming screeches to a halt. Crew gets vacation until director feels like coming back from her vacation.

WEEK 20
Filming resumes. Toto is played by Pepe and scenes are reshot. Crew takes another break to re-evaluate why they signed up for this in the first place. Director struggles to decide who to please with the casting of the Wizard: Hard core muppet fans like herself, or mainstream casual audience, thus thrusting the Muppets back into the super stardom spotlight they deserve.

WEEK 33
On set director is seen on the phone entirely too much making ridiculous bargains as if she were Radar from M*A*S*H. Muppeteers mutter quietly among themselves. Steve speaks a tad too loudly one day and director overhears words like "crazy," "caffeine dependant," "bags under eyes," and "rehab." Steve is not seen for four days and after return sticks close to Dave Goelz, often hiding behind him as the director approaches, making for a very funny, yet sad sight.

WEEK 45
Filming wraps with the exception of the Wizard scenes. Ricky Boyd grows tense.

WEEK 52
Director finally agrees to shoot Wizard scenes. Brian Henson is cast as The Wizard. Scenes are wrapped in four days. Brian is absent for two. Director fumes. Steve goes missing for three hours. Dave find him hiding under the sink in his trailer.

WEEK 52 and 1/2
Brian returns to the set, sporting a black eye and stitches in his eyebrow. Bill receives medical bill for Brian's stitches. When questioned, Bill replies with "had it coming smug pansy (muttermutter) Johnny Fiama (mutter) stupid monkey."

WEEK 53
Author realizes this post is getting out of hand.

WEEK 77
Film premiere! Audiences are slightly confused and hard core fans delight in the return of Frank Oz as the Wizard.

WEEK 77 and 2 1/2 hours
Hard core fans TP directors' house upon discovering Frank Oz was digitalized into the movie. Star Wars action figures are burned on director’s front porch in symbolic effigies.


Current mood: pleased